Words to Live and Write by

I am willing to fall Because I have learned how to rise.

I craft Love from heartbreak, Compassion from shame, Grace from disappointment, Courage from failure.

I am among the brave and brokenhearted, and I am rising strong.

(credit to Brene Brown)

Monday, June 30, 2014

Tell Your Stories

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
- Anne Lamott

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Infertility Battle Number 2 Begins!

We are now on Day 2 of Our Second Infertility Battle. Meaning that this is the second day I am taking pills to screw with my hormones in ways that will hopefully produce a child.
Day 1 was a breeze. Well, once I got myself calmed down enough to actually swallow the pill.
Day 2 - I am now feeling some of my body's protests at what is being done to it. Mood swings from hell happening here. Example: putting my child down for a nap: she cries her I'm-so-tired-I-don't-know-what-else-to-do cry; normally this elicits some sort of "Aww, poor baby" response within me; today - ha! - today felt more like a "Will someone just get this kid to shut up!" response. I never had PPD, and don't usually (almost never, lucky me) have those feelings towards my child, so this super moody response scared the [strong word of choice] out of me and I ceased being able to function. I held it together long enough to give her milk, sing sweet songs, and put her in bed. But when she wouldn't stay in bed, I left the room, hollered at my husband that it was his problem, and sank onto the kitchen floor with my head between my knees. Once the chaos found me there, I retreated to my room, were I quickly found Lana's newborn pictures and hospital bracelet - so incredibly tiny! - and started crying. Crying for all the reasons. All of them.
So now I'm at the computer, and I know this post isn't as sweet as some others, but it's my truth at the moment.
At the moment I am feeling all the feelings.
In case you are wondering how I can do that, here are some images for you visual people. I am ALL OF THESE, at once, all the time. And I never know what to expect when or for how long, or how random combinations will come out. It's terribly confusing and frustratingly uncontrollable. (Be patient with me, I beg of you.)

So... All The Feelings:


Leave your thoughts and comments please!